Schizophrenia

I feel as though I've been immersed in the world of schizophrenia recently. I've been writing an essay about this topic for university, which has meant focusing heavily on the clinical aspects. In addition, our book group is reading "Tell Me I'm Here" by Anne Deveson this month. This has provided a very personal and heart-breaking account of one family's journey through the hell of mental illness. Finally, my husband Garry is a support person for a family friend who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia for many years. I've been able to talk with his mother about their experience in recent weeks.

It has been good for me to face my ignorance about mental illness. It was also very helpful to be reading Anne Deveson's book while researching schizophrenia. It's easy to become blasé about something when all you're dealing with is impersonal studies and books. I was struck by many things while reading "Tell Me I'm Here", not least by the way certain parts of their journey parallel our journey with Christopher's cerebral palsy.

Thankfully my essay is now finished, which will allow me to focus on other (slightly neglected) parts of my life. Back to packing boxes and decluttering - lucky me!

My Visual DNA

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This was fun to put together - enjoy!

The Move

It's 6 weeks now until we move from our current home to the Sunshine Coast, and things are getting busier. I have been using index cards to keep myself on track, and to keep a lid on my restless, anxious mind. While we are all really looking forward to living closer to the beach (in a part of the world where it rains once in a while - unlike here!), it is always a challenge to move house.

I have created a set of "moving cards" which I compiled after walking through the house and writing down every single thing I needed to do before packing up each room. Each individual task was then written out on a single card. Because I am also trying to write an essay about schizophrenia for university, and keep up with everyday life, this is how I structure my days: in the mornings I choose 1 moving card, 1 essay-writing card, and 1 "next action" card. These form the main work outline for my day.

What has been really fun is that both Christopher and Catherine love to choose and participate in the "moving cards" with me. My university essay is on track and none of the other essentials are falling by the wayside. Each day, my moving card pile grows smaller (although Garry is starting to get into things and likes to add new cards to my pile!). It will be interesting to see how long this mind like water approach can be maintained in the face of all that @#$%^ packing...

BTW, the photo is of our new lounge room (click on the picture to enlarge)

A Reluctant Bookbinder

The title of my blog today is borrowed from a delightful book by Gwen Diehn, titled The Decorated Journal: Creating Beautifully Expressive Journal Pages. One particular chapter is devoted to the making of one's own journals and I suddenly found myself bitten by the bookbinding bug. After all, who could resist such a thing as a "Three-Minute Pamphlet"? It took me slightly longer than that (but not much) as I needed to scrounge for various tools and supplies around the house. For example, I used brown paper bags for my inner pages; an old manilla folder for the green cover; and dental floss for the sewing - so my mini journal smells rather fresh and minty.


I created a little window in the cover, stuck a picture on the first page, and glued it to the cover. There you have it - my very first home-made notebook/journal. The finished size (closed) is about 8cm x 10.5 cm. I am now looking longingly at the remainder of this chapter, which progresses right through to a section called, "The Two-Hour Extremely Beautiful, Useful, and Sturdy Journal". Well, I can dream, can't I?

A Journal of Sorts

I mentioned in an earlier post that I would elaborate on how I use the larger of my two moleskine notebooks, so here are some pictures of recent pages:

The first is my "Mind Like Water" page. I read somewhere that if keeping a detailed journal is too hard to maintain, you could just create a page around a single phrase or sentence. Since I'd been thinking a lot about how I can achieve a mind like water, this was my way of journaling that concept.



This second picture really appealed to me when I saw it. I journaled a few thoughts around the outer edge and - voilà - there was another page completed. (She is washing dishes, by the way) LOL.



I created this "Tea Time" page because I am trying to establish a habit of having a tea-drinking ritual in the late afternoons. I have a little teapot, an elegant cup and saucer, and wafer-thin ginger and almond biscuits to enjoy with my tea. I am going to trial some different flavours until I find some I really like.


So there you have it - my moleskine arty journal thingy. I don't claim to be a terribly creative person, incidentally, so the notebook is also a way for me to experiment with being a little less artistically inhibited.

Leaving things undone

To balance out my previous blog about "Getting Things Done", here is a quote I came across this week:

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of
leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.

- Lin Yutang

SeaWorld

We took the kids to SeaWorld a few weeks ago, and had a really lovely time. Catherine's special treat was to feed the dolphins, while Christopher's was a 5 minute helicopter flight. Both were a success, although I suspect Catherine almost preferred the Flume Ride to the dolphin feed. She would have loved to swim with the dolphins, but that's for older children only. Anyway, here are some pics:

Catherine feeding Miko
In front of the helicopter
Dolphins!

Wheel of Time

I am reading book number 10 of a series called "The Wheel of Time" by Robert Jordan. I have been reading this series for a few months - mostly using library books, but on occasion (being unable to wait) buying a copy. It's interesting reading about the same characters over such a long timeframe... at the outset, I really didn't care much for any of them. After the first book I really became hooked, and now I am starting to look forward to seeing the end of the series.


Anyone who has read the series will resonate to the following, which is written into the start of each book of the series:
"The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose.... The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of time. But it was a beginning."

Getting Things Done

About 18 months ago I stumbled across a book called "Getting Things Done" by David Allen. It talks about how you can organise yourself in ways that allow you to keep your mind uncluttered. The concept of having a 'mind like water' particularly appealed to me. This is where you can be so on top of things that any new input, rather than causing chaos, can be dealt with appropriately and easily. The metaphor is that of throwing a rock or pebble into water and seeing how the water responds - neither over nor under-reacting.

I have been implementing GTD ever since, gradually tweaking my setup with time. The result has been gratifying, to say the least. Two elements introduced in the book have been particularly helpful to me: the 43 folder 'Tickler File', and the whole concept of Next Actions.

A tickler file simply consists of 43 folders which are set up in such a way that on any given day, all the paperwork and reminders I need pop up in my system. For example, if our library books are due on a certain day, the library slip will appear in my tickler file the day before they are due as a reminder. See setting up a tickler file for more detail if you're interested.

The centre of my GTD system, however, is my "next actions" hub. This is where I keep lists of every single thing I have to do next (hence the name) according to the context in which I do them. For example, I have next action lists for when I am at the computer (online and offline), for when I'm running errands, for when I'm making phone calls, for when I'm meeting certain people and so on. I currently have eight different contexts for my next actions. Within each contextual list, I keep reminders of all the things I need to do.

The trick to making this work is keeping 100% of what I need/want to do in my system. I am getting better at this, and the more I capture in my system, the more motivated I am to approach that 100% mark. Why? Because I am truly getting things done, I don't stress about what I'm not doing, and because I trust my system to hold all my information - thereby leaving my mind free for other things.

Moleskines

OK. There is a weird world out there, and I've just seen the tip of an iceberg. You see, I have stumbled across an obsession some people have with Moleskines. What!!?? You don't know what they are? How could anyone survive without one?

Moleskines (various pronounciations, so just make up your own version) are notebooks. Yes indeed, but not just any notebooks.... these are notebooks that have spawned their very own internet sites, yahoo groups and countless blogs. Just Google them if you doubt me. You see?

So I confess I bought two just to see what all the fuss is about. I have a cute little pocket notebook and a larger blank version. They arrived last week and I'm using one for taking notes when I'm out and about (small enough to take anywhere). The other is reserved for creative journalling (will elaborate in another post).

Having only used them for a few days, I can say this: I like them. I like them a lot. And not only because they've been used by famous people in the past - although that does add something to the experience. They are plain, simple, almost boring, but I like their covers, their bands, their little storage pockets in the back, in short - I really like them.

Am I a Moleskine convert? I leave that for you to judge. If you buy one after reading this (and be warned, they are not cheap), then I probably am. Let me know if you become one too... :)

One Year On

I know I haven't written often lately, and there are a number of reasons for that.

Probably the main one is the personal process I've experienced in the wake of the court case. Now that we're approaching the one year anniversary of the trial, it's interesting to look back and see what effect it has had...

At the most deeply personal level, it has been difficult to say the least. Experiencing cross-examination on the witness stand left my self-esteem shattered. Just reliving any part of that process caused me anxiety and stress. The thought of reading the transcripts left me shaking and teary. This played itself out in periodic bouts of self-loathing and attempts to 'rebuild' my self image in various ways.

I have only recently managed to face up to this and forgive myself. It came to me that if anyone else I knew was berating themselves to this degree, I would immediately give them my love and understanding. But because my cross-examination took place first, none of my usual circle of support people was present, and I therefore had no way to do a reality check.

Essentially, I've had to step back and say that I did the very best I could under the circumstances, some of which were far from ideal! So, taking a deep breath, it is time to let that go and move on.

At a practical level, although the judgement was ultimately disappointing, various elements of Christopher's care have been simplified. Some of the most beneficial changes we've experienced are:

• airconditioner in Christopher's room - means he no longer calls us every night to tuck him back in - means we are getting much better sleep at night
• electric hospital bed for Christopher - means we no longer have to bend over - saves our backs! Also means Christopher can sit up in bed and watch DVDs on his computer screen
• hiring of two wonderful ladies who do Christopher's home schooling 12 hours per week (three cheers for Rebecca and Jody)
• ability to pay carers to be with Christopher and Catherine while Garry and I take some time out (thanks Oma and Opa!)
• purchase of car that will be purpose-modified for wheelchair - means no more heavy lifting of ramp - also means Christopher can sit in the middle of the car with the family, instead of in the luggage area
• purchase of house that already has separate carers' quarters and lots of space for wheelchair access (more about this later)

These are just some benefits that spring to mind as I write - no doubt a comprehensive list would be much longer.

One final note; just last week, for the first time in many years, I was suddenly struck by a moment of intense joy. I'd forgotten how breath-taking that can be. How long has it been for you?