One of the hardest things about having a break from caring for Christopher, is the way it highlights anew how much it usually demands of you. When you're in the midst of it there's little time to consider the full effect it has on your life. But as soon as you're removed from it for more than a few hours, you have time to realise 'what might have been'. Too, it allows for a sudden upsurge of grief that still catches me unawares after all these years.
My parents have suggested several times that Garry and I should have a whole week away together. What scares me is how much time that would give us to explore who we are when we are not carers. What if all that does is make it harder to keep going? I'm not sure it's a good enough reason not to do it - but I am afraid to set myself free for one week, knowing that at the end of it there is no choice but to return.
Of course, it's possible that one week is long enough to allow me to bring new joy and energy to the role of carer. That is a good enough reason to try it at least once!
5 comments:
Dear Tamara
I understand just what you are saying. One time when I was with Leisa, I had the same feeling of apprehension about returning to full time work, plus all the other things that go on here (and this was before we were caring for Colette). The only positive thing I achieved was a long distance look at my commitments and I was able to fine tune some things in my mind which made life a little easier to return to. Alas, I think you and Garry have fine tuned to the maximum, a commendable achievement which I have admired so much. If you are aware of the demons of a week away, you may be able to overcome them and just refresh.
Love to all, Valda
Dear Tamara,
I echo Mum(Valda's) comments exactly. Time away will give you perspective and a new and fresh appreciation. At the end of that time away you may still have some apprehension about returning to the role of carer....I don't believe that will ever go away, nor will the upsurge of grief that you referenced. After almost 18 years - it still reaches out to bite me...usually when I am least expecting. I think you both do need to experience that total break - going in with eyes wide open - and a heart wide open to the encouragement and messages that a break away can give.
Much love...Leisa
Dearest girl....
Love Connie
I fully agree with the above comments......
Love,
Anny
me, I'm not so sure
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